Original post date: 11/20/2013
I don’t really have a good excuse for not writing. All I can say is that I hit a block. The dreaded writer’s block. It’s happened before and it will happen again. My fellow writers understand. It’s no matter if you’re writing for professional purposes or poetry or songs or a blog about sexcapades; when you have a block it’s a fucking bitch. And forcing it doesn’t work. Thatswhatshesaidkindof.
Don’t think I enjoy the blocks. I want to write, especially because you guys are awesome and want to read what I write. But when I can’t, it makes me all nervous and anxious and I feel pressured to write something interesting and then I lose motivation and lie in bed for 3 days and eat donuts. (Just kidding about the 3 days. It’s usually no more than 2. Not kidding about the donuts. Wish I were.)
All right, now that we’ve had a little heart to heart or whatever…
Lux. Let’s talk about Lux.
To begin the story of Lux, we have to travel back to when I was 19. I’ve just recently noticed that most of my stories fall in the same 2-year span from ages 19-21. I guess you could say it was the peak of my sluttiness (slutty-ness?). It was also the peak of my cocaine abuse, so that tells you a bit about where my priorities were at the time.
I’d moved to Chicago for a short while with an ex-boyfriend. This move was his and he actually didn’t even tell me the plan until about 2 months before he left. Then after he left, I pretty much strong-armed him into “inviting” me along. I was looking for a way out of Phoenix and although we both knew this relationship was absolutely volatile and doomed from day 1, I loved him with all of my cocaine-clouded self and thought this move would be the start of a new life.
We had discussed swinging a couple of times, never in a super serious way…and then one day we were on AdultFriendFinder, uploading pictures of my naked ass and filling out a profile full of terms like “soft swap” and “disease free”. Classy right? Hey, disease free is legit. And it’s necessary to specify when it comes to swinging. But I digress; this story is not about the swinging. We will get to that another time.
AdultFriendFinder, like all other websites, has ads strewn about all of the pages. The one that caught his eye was for a cam site that said, “Become an online model!” with some curiosity-sparking dollar signs of how much money could be made in a week. I wasn’t working at the time, so this was his idea of how I could contribute. So after going through the process of getting authorized to be an online model—paperwork, photos of your ID, and photos of you holding your ID—I officially became Lux. And Lux…became me.
A lot of people have asked me where I came up with the name Lux. Have you ever seen theVirgin Suicides? If not, you need to. If so, you know that Kirsten Dunst played a 14 year old named Lux who was a total slutty slut slut. I always thought it was sexy and the character of Lux was the innocent goddess of sexy. I now realize that naming myself after a 14-year-old teenager who banged Josh Hartnett on a football field was less than, I don’t know, appropriate? But at this point, appropriate was no longer a concern, as it had been tossed to the wayside along with decency, dignity, reason, and all fucks to give. I gave zero fucks.
On my first night as Lux, I made close to $300 in 4 hours. From then on, I was all about it. I’d never done anything like that before and oddly enough, I can’t even imagine what my life would be like if I never did. But as I’ve said before, I’ve never been shy about sex or my sexuality. Show my tits and you’ll pay me for it? Show my vag and you’ll pay more? Hump a pillow and you’ll pay even more? Wait wait, I can lie on the bed and smoke weed and be naked and make money? Done and done.
Chicago-based Lux didn’t last long, as I was roundhouse-kicked back to Phoenix almost as quickly as I’d packed my shit up to leave. The relationship that we were trying to force had inevitably broken beyond repair, so I came home. I didn’t have any money when I returned so I was forced to stay with my parents and although I wanted to keep doing cams, I wasn’t about to simulate sex for strangers on the internet while living in my parents’ house, especially because my little brother was only 4 at the time and like…not cool. I guess you could say my decency had resurfaced. So annoying.
A few months after my return, I found myself at a house party with a whole lotta people I’d graduated high school with. Without going too far into detail, let’s say I got to talking with someone who randomly (and without knowing my brief past as Lux) told me they were currently doing cams…but it was a secret and don’t judge and don’t tell anyone. To this day, I can only consider that moment as definitive. I looked at her and said “You couldn’t have chosen a better person to tell that to.” I will never know what it was that compelled her to tell this secret to me of all people, as we hadn’t even exchanged more than a simple hello in the years we’d known one another. But she did. And within a week, I was back on it.
Wait wait…HOLD THE PHONE. Rewind. Before Chicago and AdultFriendFinder…I can’t believe I forgot to mention…
Lux was not born in Chicago. Lux was born at Bourbon Street (the strip club, not the street in New Orleans). I tried to be a stripper for like 5 minutes and Lux was the stage name I chose. Worked a night at Bourbon Street, but never went back. And on that one night, Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys just happened to be there. Why? I will never know.
Lemme tell you, Nick Carter was the first man I ever had legitimately sexual feelings toward. I remember I saw BSB perform on an award show or whatever and they were singing “Everybody”. You know how Nick sang the part “Am I sex-u-aaalll”? K, I was probably like 10 and I just remember being like…
…because he pulled up his shirt and did a hip-swing thing and I was just…I don’t even know. It was pretty serious.
I was on one of the stages in the club, tits out…crawling…being all kinds of stripper-like…and the girl I had gone there with was standing a few feet away, chatting with a blonde guy who had his back to me. She yelled “Lux!” and I crawled over. He turned around and walked over to me. I can’t even tell you the array of emotions I felt the minute we made eye contact. I knew who the fuck he was; I’d been obsessed with him for years as a pre-teen, convinced that one day I would meet him……………….and yep, I did.
So I’m right in front of him and my boobs are just like…there….and he says to me, “I love your tattoo.” Star-stricken by my childhood crush and not really sure how to respond, all I could come up with was “I know you.” He laughed and handed me $50. Again I said, “I know you.” Then he walked away and that was it.
Of course, something like that would happen to me. My life is so fucking weird.
So that’s how my alter ego was born. No no, this isn’t the end of the Lux stories, so don’t you worry. But for me to start talking about Lux, you have to first understand where she came from, the development of her as an entity, and how she and I merged into one big, slut faced bitch.
The stories of Lux will most likely be the best of all, because they are the worst of all. Working on a webcam site is one thing, but working on a webcam site that also allows viewers to show you their webcams…that’s where shit gets twisted. More twisted than you could ever imagine.
The Lux Files have officially opened. There’s no turning back now.
E