Personal Assistant My Ass

Personal Assistant My Ass

Original post date: 7/25/2013

In my first post I mentioned that I’d applied for a personal assistant gig. Well this is the follow up to that. I’d hoped to have a cool story to tell about this awesome, inspiring artist who I would be working with and learning from, but unfortunately, I have a stupid story that mostly just pisses me off.

Post title: Artist asst, model, housekeeper, muse

I was supposed to go and meet this guy at his studio last week but I turned into a huge vagina and chose to pull a no-call-no-show. I mean, I’m not a total dick, so I felt kind of bad or whatever; just not bad enough to actually care. It’s not like we were best friends or something, ok? So don’t even.

Well, I saw the post again yesterday and after a bit of research I found that this local artist has been featured in multiple Phoenix-based publications. This made me feel much better knowing that he was recognized as a legit and talented artist/human who probably wouldn’t cut off my skin and wear it around like a fucking Halloween costume. Plus, 10 hours a week at $15/hr to hang out in a cool studio doesn’t sound so bad. So I grew some balls and decided to reach out again, apologize for standing him up and suggest we start over. He said “I’d be honored to see what kind of luminosity there is between us” and then I was all, “Right, totally” but in my head I was like “Luminosity? Y U No talk like a normal person?” We made a plan for tomorrow, and then I gave him my number and told him to text me the address. Here’s what happened next:

Me: So tomorrow afternoon?
Artist who is About to Turn Creepy: Yes, probably about 4 hours to help me start getting things organized.
Me: Sounds good, I will speak to you tomorrow.
Officially Creepy Artist: Good girl ; )
Me: What?
OCA: Yum!
Me: Oh wow. I just changed my mind.
OCA: : ( ?
Me: Oh absolutely not, no fuckin’ way, nope.

Am I wrong? That’s creepy as hell, right? (If you say no, fuck you because yes it is.) I guess I should be happy that it happened BEFORE I went over there though or Officially Creepy Artist™ could have pulled some Buffalo Bill shit on me…like, he could have walked out in a cape with his dick tucked back and a bottle of lotion. So I’ll take the small victory on this one.

It is kind of a bitch though that I got all ready and he fucked it up by turning into a fucking weirdo. And by got all ready I mean I put on a bra AND lipstick AND re-did my sock bun.

So that’s what’s up. Not going to lie, this project is a bit frustrating because most people just never respond. I mean, come on bro, if you put up an ad requesting that a girl suck your dick for Vicodin, you’re never going to fulfill that if you don’t respond to her application. That’s just bad for business.

I’m starting to think that maybe I should buy a gun if I’m going to do this, but knowing me I’d probably flip out and shoot someone. Or everyone.


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